what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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