My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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