Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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