as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
