fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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