Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
