we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
