I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
