sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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