I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
