we're chasing vodka with high fives
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
