Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
