I must be too annoying 4 u.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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