I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She even gives head with a lisp.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
