I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
