Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
