The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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