ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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