**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
