Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
