it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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