My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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