No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
