Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
