your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
