well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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