i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
