apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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