my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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