I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
