U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
