8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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