I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
