i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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