Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize