I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
