If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
