have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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