A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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