true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize