puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
