mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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