I wish I could teleport
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
