How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
