Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
