I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
