What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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