My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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