Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
