ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
