There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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