I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
