the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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