I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
