I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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