happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
