I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
