At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
