I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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