So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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