I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
