why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
