pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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