so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
