Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
