like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have aggressive nipples.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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