Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
