I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
