I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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