Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
