lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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