I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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